It’s hard news to hear, especially at this time of year, but not everyone gets into the school(s) of their dreams. It can be tough to feel disappointed when seemingly everyone around you is celebrating. Your confidence may take a major hit, and it can be difficult to get revved up and excited about where you have been admitted. While this experience is a part of the admissions process for thousands of students every single year, it’s a topic many don’t like to talk about. Below, college admissions advisor Karen Spencer, former admissions officer at Georgetown University and Franklin & Marshall, offers advice to parents looking for help in moving their grieving seniors past disappointing decisions:

The University of Virginia has always provided some of my favorite supplemental essay prompts (and not just because it’s where I went to grad school). They are short (250 words max) and they are personal.  Both of these mean that a student is forced to get to their point quickly, something I find students struggle with when they have a longer word count, and they are forced to really think about what makes them tick.

If you look at all the available prompts offered in the first section of the UVa supplement, the theme would be this: What do you value?  All four options essentially ask a student to address this larger question. Even the seemingly breezy, “what is your favorite word and why?” is essentially asking a student to give the reader a little insight into what they think is important.  Because the four prompts focus on the same core question, let’s look more deeply at just one.

Colleges that accept the Common App don’t pick the essays it offers. They do, however, carefully choose each of their supplemental essays, which is why these are often considered as important, if not more important, than the Common App essay.  What they ask can also tell you a bit about the college’s personality; think of off-the-wall creative topics like those the University of Chicago releases every year. How you choose to answer these essays also says a lot about you.

I work with a lot of students who apply to Wake Forest, and the Wake Forest app is one of my favorites. This may surprise you considering there are six (yes six!) supplemental short essay prompts. I like the prompts because they aren’t unnecessarily long and they are mostly very specific, which I find students usually prefer. Let’s take a look at two of them, identify the goal of the essay, and discuss some of the common pitfalls.

When I begin talking with families about a college list, many parents lead the conversation with the question, “How do we choose the right college if my child is undecided about what major she wants to study?”  I tell these parents that for at least 80 percent of students, major shouldn’t be a main driver in where they pick a college. Why?

American higher education is unique in many ways, and one of those is the idea that students ought to attend college with a goal of exploring many subjects in order to figure out what they want to study. They do not need to begin their university education with a set course of action. To reinforce this idea, most colleges don’t ask for students to ultimately declare a major until the end of sophomore year. And many also require quite a few introductory courses, not only to give students a more robust general education, but to let them see what subjects might pique their interest.

Q: I have just received a denial letter from a college. Can I appeal the decision?

A: It can be a natural feeling when receiving a thin envelope to want the admissions committee to reconsider their decision. Did they see your solid grades? Do they know how hard that AP Bio course is at your school? Do they know how hard it was to get that internship?

The letter from the college wasn’t skinny, but it wasn’t fat either.  It was somewhere in the middle–you’ve been waitlisted.

What landed you on the Waitlist

People are put on waitlists for a variety of reasons, the most common of which is that the admissions committee really liked you, you were a compelling applicant, but there were simply other applicants who were stronger. You were likely a student they knew could do the work and would have contributed nicely to the campus community, but again, other applicants had higher numbers, higher grades, more significant activities, etc.  In the end, you’ll likely never know what got you on the waitlist or how close you were to being admitted, or denied, so don’t spend time ruminating about it. As the adage goes, “It is what it is.”